TB Live Journal

Moooooore. Thanks to everyone who commented previously-- I swear I'll get back to you at some point.

Don't go on vacation.

Does this seem harsh? Let me expand the thesis. Don't go on vacation. Because when you get back, real life sucks even more than it did before you hated it so much you ran away.

My wank landlord left the following letter for myself and my two housemates, reproduced here in full:

Yesterday was the scheduled safety inspection and you were notified about this through email. [Note: we weren't.] I walked in with the Inspector and both were shocked and disgusted over the total mess our house was in.

[Further note: I had completely cleaned the house only days before following a party I held. The only thing I didn't do was mop, because it's winter and raining and you can't open the windows. So here is where I start to get personally offended by the asshattery.]

We did not look into the middle bedroom, but the front and back rooms were in a shambles.

The inspector gave bad marks for habitation due to the mess. You are required to have the place entirely picked up and cleaned by Nov 25th. If you do not have the time, then you should hire a professional cleaner.

Specifically:

1. No clothes on the floor. Only furniture, and carpets on the floor.

2. The master bath mirror in the tub tile has to be free of scum. If permanent damage occurs to the mirror, the fix will cost approximately 200.00 because the tile will have to be replaced, and we do not have any more of that tile, and new tile would have to be purchased, plus the labour.

3. The tree in the master bedroom has to be removed.

4. We will remove the curtain in front of the sliding door in the family room, because the curtain is not working again and this the third or fourth time that we would have fixed the curtain. It will be up to the three of you do something that will work for you.

If the house is not in a presentable condition on the 25th, then we will begin eviction procedures. If all goes well:

In the future, we will give you 24 hours notice to come in and see that the house is remaining clean. If not, then we will proceed to evict.

We need the emails for the other girls, so that each of you can be notified individually of future visits.

Sincerely,

Your wank landlord


Really? Really? So his list of actionable offences comes down to clothes on the floor, which is not in the lease, a bathroom which is the responsibility of only that particular renter, not all of us, a ficus in a proper planter, and a curtain which was not provided by the landlord and is therefore not his property? And he thinks he can proceed with eviction on these grounds? Really?

Because it's not like the house is actually messy. It's not, because even when I get upset with the state of things, it's not actually a mess. We regularly sweep or hoover, we regularly clean the kitchen, we dust, and we tend the bathrooms. He didn't mention any of those things as problems except for a mirror, and so I really wonder if he gets quite what a complete asshole he sounds like threatening to evict us based on a curtain and a laundry pile.

I have not yet written a letter back detailing just how thoroughly I will trash him in court if he proceeds on this, but I am sharpening my typing fingers. Also, I hereby declare that I will move somewhere else immediately, where I don't have to wake up to this kind of shit stinking up my mailbox.

Don't go away. Coming back is a special form of hell.



Since first posting this I have taken pictures of every room in the house to prove we are not ecoterrorists bent on destroying a perfectly good house, done a radical clean (I clean when I'm angry) and eaten an entire package of McVitie's chocolate digestives for lunch. Aside from the pleasure of having my shoes organised by colour and design, the only real positive is being full of chocolate goodness.

In which I go crazy, spend two months uber-decorating my house, and then have to clean it all up in one day.

Because the last update was short, we'll spring right into Chapter 12....

Fandom: GW
Pairing: 5x2
Rating: NC17ish
Notes: Challenge fic; updates in bold.

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Ends Chapter 11.

I took time out of my very busy schedule to write this for you, so I'll cry if you don't read it.

Fandom: GW
Pairing: 5x2
Rating: NC17
Notes: Challenge fic. Updates in bold.

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Kind of a random AU thing...
Fandom: GW
Rating: NC17


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Fandom: House
Pairing: None
Rating: Gen
Notes: Takes place in an imaginary House series in which the ridiculousness of seasons 4 and 5 never happened. Actually, it references the period in which Chase was moonlighting in NICU while still working at Diagnostics, so Season 2.


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Okay, I broke the rules and edited the second half of Chapter 10 of Bridges. Sorry, but I hope this elucidates a little more.

It is really fucking freezing here today. So when I wander downstairs to put the heater on, what do I find? My housemate who complains about the cold on a summer day is sitting outside and has all our doors and windows open. There is actual frost and she has the doors and windows open.

Me: I can't believe you off all people are okay with this.
Her: Oh, I'm not, but I can never figure out when to turn the heat on.
Me: This is not a whether to turn the heat on situation. This is a close the doors and windows before all else situation.
Her: Oh, do you want me to close them?

You know, I don't even know what to say to things like that. Yes, I want you to close them. I want you not to open them at all. If you have to wear your winter coat and a hat and gloves to sit outside, I want you not to wake up and decide for the entire house that today is a grand day to open up to the weather. I want you to use your brain. I do not think this is a tough request to meet.


Next conversation we have:

Me: Are you going anywhere today?
Her: No, I don't think so.
Me: Well, I said last night I need to go to the store. Could we switch our cars out of the drive today?
Her: Oh. Well, I guess so.

You guess? You parked fucking behind me. Ergo, you need to move your car. I gave you twelve hours notice and it's hardly the break of dawn as we have this conversation. Move your god-damn car.

Her reason why she doesn't want to go out and move it?



It's too cold.

A much larger update to make up for the shorter one before. Ends Chapter 10.

More. I'm really struggling with this part. Sorry for the delays. I'd rather it be good going up than so-so and needed re-doing.

Dear Whoopi,

I am a thirteen year old rape victim who watches 'The View'. Boy, am I glad I was watching this week, because if I had missed your discussion of Roman Polanski's recent arrest, I never would have known I wasn't "rape-raped". How embarrassing this could have been for me! If I hadn't ever realised I wasn't "rape-raped", I might have been brave enough to go to the police and identify the forty-year-old man who gave me drugs and alcohol and took nude photographs of me. I might even have been strong enough to face intense public scrutiny and immense humiliation by testifying about my "rape"-- how this forty-year-old, powerful and wealthy man drugged me, licked me, penetrated me, and sodomised me, all as I begged him to stop and take me home. I might even have expected this man to face jail time like anyone who pleads guilty to a crime! But, thank God, I saw your show in time to prevent all that. Your articulate explanation of "rape" versus "rape-rape" really opened my eyes. So instead of standing up for my rights as an American citizen and a human being, instead of demanding justice for myself and justice for my "rapist", I will just hope for a civil settlement to mark me forever as a sex toy, bought and paid for by a man who will get away with it. Oh, and don't worry-- your remarks have helped me to realise, too, that my silly dreams of being supported by feminists like you should rightfully be replaced with a sober contemplation of the absolute ignorance and disregard I will face for daring to speak up about my "rape". I know better now! I think I will probably just keep it quiet, instead-- and if any of my friends are ever "raped", I'll be sure to have them watch 'The View' as well. Girls should know the difference between forcible penetration and sodomy and "rape-rape" before they try to expose the forty-year-old men who also make Oscar-winning movies!

Thanks again,
Lucky Thirteen


P.S.: Could you please send an autographed photo? I am starting high school this year and my mom says there may be boys who want to date me and maybe even want to have sex with me even though I'm not ready yet. Having your picture in my locker will really help remind me of the facts. Please make it out "I know it's not 'rape-rape'".






The following are the names of every Hollywood moral idiot who has signed a petition for Polanski's sentence to be vacated. Some of them make really great movies. Some of them even have thirteen year old daughters. If you find that as sick as I do, you can follow my lead: boycott the fuckers.

Isabelle Adjani
Faith Akin
Stephane Allagnon
Woody Allen
Pedro Almodovar
Wes Anderson
Jean-Jacques Annaud
Alexandre Arcady
Fanny Ardant
Asia Argento
Antoine Aronin
Darren Aronofsky
Olivier Assayas
Alexander Astruc
Gabriel Auer
Paul Auster
Luc Barnier
Christophe Barratier
Morgane Beauverger
Xavier Beauvois
Liria Begejia
Gilles Behat
Jean-Jacques Beineix
Candice Belaisch-Goldschmit
Marco Bellochio
Monica Bellucci
Yamina Benguigui
Djamel Bennecib
Guiseppe Bertolucci
Partick Bouchiety
Paul Boujenah
Jacques Bral
Patrick Braoude
Pascal Bruckner
Andre Buytaers
Christian Carion
Henning Carlsen
Jean-Michel Carre
Mathieu Celary
Patrice Cherau
Elie Chouraqui
Souleymane Cisse
Jessika Cohen
Philippe Corbe
Alain Corneau
Jerome Cornuau
Miguel Courtois
Dominique Crevecoeur
Alfonso Cuaron
Luc et Jean-Pierre Dardenne
Jeal-Paul Dayan
Jonathan Demme
Katarina De Meulder
Alexandre Desplat
Rosalinde et Michel Deville
Arielle Dombasle
Georges Dybman
Jacques Fansten
Joel Farges
Gianluca Farinelli
Nathalie Faucheux
Etienne Faure
Michel Ferry
Corinne Figuet
Pierre Forciniti
Scott Foundas
Stephen Frears
Thierry Fremaux
Sam Gabarski
Rene Gainville
Louis Garrel
Tony Gatlif
Albert Gauvin
Costa Gavras
Jean-Marc Chanassia
Terry Gilliam
Christian Gion
Johanna Gozlan
Marc Guidoni
Taylor Hackford
Buck Henry
David Heyman
Laurent Heynemann
Robert Hossein
Jean-Loup Hubert
Isabelle Huppert
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
Gilles Jacob
Just Jaeckin
Alain Jessua
Pierre Jolivet
Kent Jones
Neil Jordan
Roger Kahane
Thierry Kamami
Nelly Kaplan
Ladislas Kijno
Harmony Korinne
Jan Kounen
Milan Kundera
Diane Kurys
Emir Kusturica
Gaelle Lancien
John Landis
Claude Lanzmann
Andre Larquie
Vinciane Lecocq
Patrice Leconte
Claude Lelouch
Gerar Lenne
Bernard-Henri Levy
David Lynch
Michael Mann
Francois Margolin
Jean-Pierre Marois
Tonie Marshall
Mario Martone
Nicolas Mauvernay
Sam Mendes
Camille Meyer
Radu Mihaileanu
Claude Miller
Patrick Mimouni
Yann Moix
Mario Monicelli
Jeanne Moreau
Marie Nieves Perez Neel
Mike Nichols
Sandra Nicolier
Michel Ocelot
Alexander Payne
Richard Pena
Michele Placido
Philipe Radault
Jean-Paul Rappeneau
Raphael Rebibo
Yasmina Reza
Jacques Richard
Laurence Roulet
Salman Rushdie
Walter Salles
Jean-Paul Salome
Marc Sandberg
Carine Sarna
Ysabelle Saura del Pan
Jerry Schatzberg
Julian Schnabel
Barbet Schroeder
Ettore Scola
Martin Scorsese
William Shawcross
Charlotte Silvera
Abderrahmane Sissako
Olivier Soares Barbosa
Steven Soderbergh
Paolo Sorrentino
Guillaume Stirn
Tilda Swinton
Nil Symchowicz
Jean-Charles Tacchella
Radovan Tadic
Danis Tanovic
Bertrand Tavernier
Cecile Telerman
Alain Terzian
Pascal Thomas
Daniele Thompson
Giuseppe Tornatore
Serge Toubiana
Nadine Trintignant
Tom Tykwer
Alexandre Tylski
Bertrant Van Effenterre
Eugenia Varela Navarro
Diane von Furstenberg
Scott Foundas
Margaret Walker
Wim Wenders
Wong Kar Wai
Elsa Zylberstein

Fandom: Lioness Quartet
Pairing: Alex/Thom, Alex/Roger (You sort of have to squint here, but I promise it's in there.)
Rating: G
Notes: This is totally not as awesome as it was in my head. I struggled from word one on this. But I am tired of working on it.

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Very last Chiasma update ever. The End. Really.

Fandom: GW
Pairing: 6+2
Rating: G
Relevant Quote: "True happiness is to understand our duty to God and man; to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence on the future; not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears, but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is abundantly sufficient." ~Seneca


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It's not like I don't have stuff I desperately need to do (weeding and lawn work, figuring out how to use GPS, finish the work I brought home from the office sometime before dawn) but THERE'S A MEME! HOW COULD I NOT DROP EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY TO DO THE MEME??

Shipping Meme
(from downjune)

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Fandom: GW
Pairing: 5x2
Rating: Rish
Notes: Challenge fic. Updates in bold.

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Fandom: GW
Pairing: 5x2
Rating: Rish
Notes: Challenge fic. Updates in bold.

( Read more... )