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2nd Nov, 2009

jack

halloween party

In which I go crazy, spend two months uber-decorating my house, and then have to clean it all up in one day.













12th Oct, 2009

suck, trowa

people hating people

It is really fucking freezing here today. So when I wander downstairs to put the heater on, what do I find? My housemate who complains about the cold on a summer day is sitting outside and has all our doors and windows open. There is actual frost and she has the doors and windows open.

Me: I can't believe you off all people are okay with this.
Her: Oh, I'm not, but I can never figure out when to turn the heat on.
Me: This is not a whether to turn the heat on situation. This is a close the doors and windows before all else situation.
Her: Oh, do you want me to close them?

You know, I don't even know what to say to things like that. Yes, I want you to close them. I want you not to open them at all. If you have to wear your winter coat and a hat and gloves to sit outside, I want you not to wake up and decide for the entire house that today is a grand day to open up to the weather. I want you to use your brain. I do not think this is a tough request to meet.


Next conversation we have:

Me: Are you going anywhere today?
Her: No, I don't think so.
Me: Well, I said last night I need to go to the store. Could we switch our cars out of the drive today?
Her: Oh. Well, I guess so.

You guess? You parked fucking behind me. Ergo, you need to move your car. I gave you twelve hours notice and it's hardly the break of dawn as we have this conversation. Move your god-damn car.

Her reason why she doesn't want to go out and move it?



It's too cold.

3rd Sep, 2009

sirius

potterfic

So, it turns out that 3/4 of the internet is comprised of Potterfic. And that it's far, far too difficult to search for Potterfic that you read in 2001.

I seem to recall that it was a good fic. Or at least funny. It was kind of crackfic, and Barty Crouch Jr was a flamer in pink daisy dukes who oozed all over Severus Snape who was frantically trying to brew a tricky potion for Voldemort under pain of death, and it turns out Voldemort needs it to cure a cold.

The same author also wrote something less cracker about Harry returning to the Dursleys' after the war. Draco was a flamer in pink daisy dukes who oozed all over him. I like fanon Draco ever so much more than real Draco. Real Draco is whiny. Fanon Draco is witty.

Anyway, the point of all this is that I wish I could find old fics written back in the day, but alas. I have not the patience. Nor do I remember the author's name, except that it might have been two words, and it makes me think of Ali Baba.

Such is life.

2nd Aug, 2009

gwen beer

crazy-ass baby shower

I have been dreading this past weekend for two months because it was the site of the third of the baby showers being thrown for my sister-in-law in the orgy of baby-lations that have followed the announcement of the existence of a child I would otherwise welcome with enthusiasm, were it not for the sheer gluttony of these events and the sheer obliviousness of my sister-in-law and my brother to the effort (and money) being lavished on them. This particular baby shower had the following faults:

1) I was told that I would be hosting it, though I have no real relationship with my sister-in-law, much less my brother.

2) I was told what food would be served at it. Bearing in mind that I am a vegetarian on a no-cholesterol diet, I was told I would be serving prime rib and seafood.

3) The guest list included all our far-flung family members of female origin. This I was fine with. But then the guest list expanded to their husbands. Then it extended to our uncle who does not have a wife attending the shower. Then it extended to our male cousins. When I really started to lose it was when the guest list extended to our male cousins' girlfriends who have never met either me or my sister-in-law.

For those keeping score, at this point I am hosting an unwanted baby shower (the THIRD baby shower) with food I cannot eat and for strangers I have never met, one of whom is the December end of my twenty-four year old male cousin's May-December romance. But it gets better.

4) Because there are now more than thirty people attending this baby shower, I can no longer keep everyone in my home. We therefore shift venues to my parents' home an hour east. Because of the distance and the fact that this two-hour baby shower has now become a two-day family reunion, I will be staying at my parents' at the weekend. But because there are now more than thirty people attending this shower/reunion, I will be sleeping on the floor in the office closet.

Yes. The OFFICE CLOSET.

I am Harry Potter.

5) When does this shower/reunion take place? My birthday. And for two months there has been no mention of the fact that I might wish to do something else to celebrate the day of my birth, like go out with friends, take a holiday weekend trip, or sleep in a bed.

I am Harry Potter meets Molly Ringwald's Sixteen Candles.



So now I am exhausted, hungry, considerably poorer, psychologically damaged, and I have back ache just to really top it off; and I get to go back to work tomorrow without having been thanked by said sister-in-law or brother, which is a large part of why I have no relationship with them, and the best part is... I get to do it all again NEXT weekend at a wedding shower.

23rd Jul, 2009

flag

WHAT???

Wanted: British Women To Eat Chocolate For A Year. What's the Catch?

Scientists in Britain are looking for women willing to eat chocolate every day for a year -- all in the name of medical science. Researchers at the University of East Anglia and a hospital in Norwich, eastern England are trying to find out whether chocolate can cut the risk of heart disease and need 40 women to step forward and help.

Most of the women will have to eat two bars of "super-strength chocolate specially formulated by Belgian chocolatiers" daily for one year and undergo several tests to measure how healthy their hearts are.

The others will have to eat regular chocolate as a placebo.

One possible catch, for chocolate fans spotting an opportunity: volunteers for the research should be menopausal but aged under 75 and have type two diabetes.

Study coordinator Peter Curtis said: "A successful outcome could be the first step in developing new ways to improve the lives of people at increased risk of heart disease."







Bastards.

26th Jun, 2009

heero

sad...

...but not an inaccurate reflection of my behaviour with my dates.



You are an Opportunist Seme!

Preying on the clueless is what you're all about. You really don't intend to hurt anyone, but if a bit of harmless manipulation can get you what you want, you're not beyond taking a little advantage of someone, which you figure is an even exchange for your companionship anyway. Not one for lots of drama, you are best paired with the Clueless Uke, who will appreciate your attention and never bat an eye at your slightly sneaky ways.


Most compatible with: Clueless Uke, Innocent Uke

Least compatible with: Badass Uke


What seme or uke are you? Take the experience at SemeUke.com, or find merchandise here.

24th Jun, 2009

garak 'sup

ah, life

I went to Tai Chi class at work today and now my back is mega-fucked. This may not be my thing. I'm the person who trips over every available thing, my own two feet included, and, as friends of this journal are aware, I also managed to slice off half a finger in the kitchen a while back. Controlled movement is not an artform to which I have a genetic calling.

I am enjoying the resurgence of creativity I'm having with the DS9 fic. It is a welcome distraction from the resurgence of non-creativity I'm experiencing with my Gundam fics, all of which are currently stalled. I'm trying to push through with the two challenge fics, but I'm obviously slowing down a little. Never fear: I do plan to finish them, and Chiasma at least is getting close. I'm like four or five chapters past where I had originally thought I would end it, so we'll see how many more I can cram on, but I think it's close.

Anyway, I come with a request. I love zombies. By love, I mean that zombies are the only thing on Earth or in Heaven that terrify me. I actually have a monthly nightmare about zombies, because it's that frequently on my mind. But I love zombie movies. I own all the Romero classics, I've even seen all Resident Evil movies, I can point to a half-century of literary influences in Shaun of the Dead. And I have decided (yes, Marsh) that I want to know if anyone out there has ever come across Gundam zombie fics. So I am issuing a challenge. For anyone who comes up with a recommendation, I will write a drabble on a Gundam prompt or pairing of their choosing. If anyone should feel inspired to actually write me a Gundam zombie drabble, I will write a Gundam zombie drabble myself and will post the pair of drabbles together on my archive here on my lj.

Thanks!


11th Jun, 2009

gwen

ooooooowie...

Hey Laura, remember that time you tried to slice off your finger when you were cutting lemongrass?

I did you one better tonight. The doctor thinks I will no longer have a fingerprint on my pinkie.

We rock.

14th May, 2009

jack

silliness



It doesn't move or anything, but even without the video the first chorus had me smiling.

30th Apr, 2009

tired chase

I concur, Tired Chase. I concur.

Cramps. Dentist. (Astonishingly, my teeth are, quothoa, in good shape. Except by grinding them I've worn off all the enamel as if, quotha, i were chipping surface ice from a glacier chunk by New York-sized chunk.) Work slam. Work about to slam even more, which means I will be stuck in a warehouse for the entire length of summer hauling boxes of records. Which is what I got stuck doing LAST summer. Why? I went into debt to get the education that now allows me to haul boxes in the summer heat. Terrific. Getting new glasses next week at significant cost, but had to coax the doctor into, quotha, writing a stronger prescription. I can't see, jackass. Just write the damn script.

My housemate was laid off from work, sacked in very spectacular fashion by her jackass boss. And even though last week I was reading a headline about job-survivor guilt suffered by people I thought were idiots for feeling guilty when their friends and neighbours were laid off, I am now feeling exactly said emotion. Bum-sucky.

I will have a review of my new CJ Cherryh book up possibly tomorrow or the weekend. I am getting to visit with a friend who is dogsitting for mini weiner dogs, and that will obviously occupy all my attention, as well as all my most enchanted giggles. But a brief preview for the curious: the lightning has escaped the bottle. Cherryh's got the form, but the spirit's a little limp.

I actually exited the grocery with a basket entirely full of tofu products and no other. I am not even kidding. Without intentionally doing so, I bought in a single trip Tofurkey italian sausage, tofu corn dogs, soy nuggets, soy cheddar cheese, and a brick of tofu. I will now bleed tofu. From my eyes.

21st Apr, 2009

jack

daily grind, yo

It's been a very off week so far, quite a feat for a week only two days old (business days, obviously). Archivists are not, generally speaking, socially adept people, and though I think I'm more outgoing and, you know, unweird than most of that select population, I do have a tendency to just stare blankly when the weirdness is being directed at me, thus, all innocently and accidentally, bringing the cycle full circle.

Here's a sample. I like to get to work very early-- I try to get there just before six, because there's no-one there yet, I can sit in the dark with myself, and I get about one whole hour out of the entire twenty-four to be entirely alone. This is a precious resource for me, as I have spent the last decade in either student housing or living with multiple housemates in noisy old houses.

But today I did not get my hour. I was interrupted, most cruelly, but the immediate receipt of an email from a girl whose cubicle is on the other side of my wall. The gist:

'I want to get a part-time job at the clothing store where I plan to buy my suit because I can get the employee discount then. But I want to list you as my supervisor, because I think he'll just laugh if I get a part time job, so what's your mobile number again?'

This is not a lie in which I would like to be involved. Or caught. I managed to get through an entire day without answering, and tomorrow I'm not in the office, but I have a feeling this will come down on me at some unavoidable moment, and that it will have a deleterious effect on my relationship with this girl, who, though obviously willing to promote me beyond truth, is still the only other unweird and speech-capable archivist with whom I have contact. This is a precious resource. What to do? Bleh.

I have lots of other stupid-ass archivists stories this week, but they get a lot more esoteric from this point, so I'll just say that they all suck right now and I kind of wish I'd made an effort to be in a more extroverted career. Or one where we made more of a group effort to be fashionable. A lot of these people haven't bought clothes since the 1970s. And they weren't buying good ones then.

BUT, this was all mitigated by a discovery I made tootling around on the internet when I was supposed to be, I don't know, reading the SOPs or imagining myself scheduling e-systems. CJ Cherryh, one of my favourite authors with whom I am once again connecting, is literally a week away from the release of the fourth installment of her Foreigner series. Cherryh is one of the only authors I am currently following. While I have read a lot of her various series, Foreigner made me hit the roof the first time I opened it. The first triology in the series is, imho, one of the finest examples of modern fiction, and it's one of the few series in which I find something new to love every time I've read it. And I do reread it frequently; I've read it at least a dozen times, so often that I've gone through two different sets of the first trilogy. The writing has gone somewhat downhill in the subsequent installments, losing some of the edge and the urgency, but this is natural and also has a lot to do with the maturation of the main POV character. And Cherryh seems to be focussing more and more on a new child character whom I do not like, and the three-sentence summary that's available online didn't even mention the usual main POV character, so I'm a little hesitant, but the fact remains. Finding out the book was a week from being in my hands definitely provided me a big lift. I am very excited. And whether any of you like it or not, I will probably review the book on my lj.

Daily grind, yo.


EDIT: People, leave Jackie Chan alone. He has open holes in his skull, metal plates. He's probably still dealing with the shrill echoes of Chris Tucker's voice.

Also, submitted for your (my) enjoyment by my dear friend Janet, something to make you smile:


21st Mar, 2009

duo glasses

Oh, Chow.

Quotha:

And it's not just women who find Chow sexy, as he is the object of desire for men as well (although this homoeroticism always occurs within moments of excessive violence that is invariably represented as beautiful, stylized and desirable). For example, in Full Contact Chow is pursued by a gay gangster. Before Chow kills him, the gangster says he hopes they meet in the afterlife, to which Chow responds in the bizarre phrasing common to English subtitles, "Masturbate in Hell!" He thus condemns the villain to death, but also, Rubio explains, to an eternity of fantasizing about Chow Yun-Fat.

--Barrett Hooper, National Post, 2003

5th Mar, 2009

bad hair day

uggggggh

What I have proved to myself over many many years is that my instincts are actually excellent.

I just don't ever listen to them.

Case in point: I wanted to get my hair cut this week. But traffic was bad today and I started feeling like I didn't want to bother.

Should have turned around. Didn't.

Went to the same place I always go to. Noticed that the two people working weren't any of the people who've done it before.

Should have turned around. Didn't.

It's a man in his early fifties. Men in their early fifties usually resist the wild unfeminine things I want to do with my hair, like mohawks and spikes.

Should have left. Didn't.

He shampoos my hair. In doing so, he manages to actually physically hose me down with the spray nozzle. Not just a little 'oopsie'-- a genuine soaking. I try to maintain my dignity with a newly see-through shirt. I sit in the chair. He picks up clippers.

Suddenly, I have no hair over my ears.

Should have screamed bloody murder. Didn't.

I explain that I love the hairstyle I have, I just want it trimmed.

He cuts off two inches, not the quarter-inch I was thinking of.

Should have demanded he glue it back on. Was now just resigned to fate.

Then, the killing blow. He blows it dry and comes in with a HANDFUL of gel and mousse and whatthefuckever.

I am now Rihanna.

I'm serious. It's a high-end poofy bowl cut.

It actually bounces. My hair does not bounce. I am the anti-bounce.

I am also apparently Rihanna.

Uggggggh.

3rd Mar, 2009

tired chase

life is progressing, yo

Started new job today.

Big raise. Big commute now too. Horrified at how much I will contribute to the carbon miasma that will hover around my beloved car Felix.

I imagine at some point I will attempt public transportation.

I am fucking exhausted. I did nothing but sit and listen to people all day long! Unbearable.

The good news is I can start work as early as 6am. This is awesome news. Not that I'm thrilled about getting up at 5 to accomplish it, but on the other hand then I'd have my entire afternoon like I'm used to.

Maybe it bears a little experimentation.

Also, I way overpaid at the cafeteria for vegetarian lo mein which was TOTALLY gross and pasty. And since I just wrote about that in Chiasma, it seems a little karmically fishy to have it happen just days apart. Mmmhmm.

23rd Feb, 2009

jack2

ha.

Wally Awards For The 2009 Oscars

The Wally for "Biggest Cross-Cultural FAIL" goes to Ryan Seacrest, who held up a piece of paper with the "Slumdog" kids' names rather than trying to pronounce them. He then proceeded to conduct an interview with a child who didn't speak English.




19th Feb, 2009

bad hair day

stuff and things, yo

I decided it would be fun to rearrange my entire bedroom, which, being a single renter in a house full of single renters, means I have more shit crammed in here than you regularly would. Upshot: not actually fun, but I'm sort of pleased with the result.

Second upshot: I need more stuff. Specific stuff. Like-- a place to put my shitloads of shoes. I want a bureau as well, or at least those hanging shelves you can put in your closet. (I don't actually have a closet but I use the one in the hall. Joy.) An extra light. And plants. I want more green. And frames for the frameless pictures I've been carting around for a decade.

And for the 'things' section-- Why is Hugh Jackman hosting the Oscars?

8th Feb, 2009

bad hair day

sigh

I'm not the most organised person-- and the reason is that I have moved literally sixteen times in the last ten years. It makes it very difficult to be absolutely sure where you put everything. If I had a weekend with nothing else to do and I really put my mind to it, sure, I could probably come to grips with the chaos, but who amongst us has that magical free weekend? Not I. The point of all this, though, is that it just took me an hour to find my passport, and it was, of course, in the very last place I looked, although ironically one of the first places I thought to look in. Will I spend next weekend organising my belongings?

Forecast looks doubtful.

29th Jan, 2009

tired chase

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This conference is kicking my fucking ass, man. Kicking my fucking ass. And I can't shake this god-damn cold. How much snot can the human body produce? Can I enter contests? Maybe I'll win a week to sleep without having to wake up to breathe.

Blanket thank-you to everyone who replied to my last couple of fic posts. I'll get around to replying at the weekend. Apologies for being slaggy.

24th Jan, 2009

tea

Obama as Eater-in-Chief?

Top Chefs Push Obama To Improve Food Policy

WASHINGTON – Visiting one of his favorite Chicago restaurants in November, Barack Obama was asked by an excited waitress if he wanted the restaurant's special margarita made with the finest ingredients, straight up and shaken at the table.

"You know that's the way I roll," Obama replied jokingly.

Rick Bayless, the chef of that restaurant, Topolobampo, says Obama's comfortable demeanor at the table — slumped contentedly in his chair, clearly there to enjoy himself — bodes well for the nation's food policy. While former President George W. Bush rarely visited restaurants and didn't often talk about what he ate, Obama dines out frequently and enjoys exploring different foods.

"He's the kind of diner who wants to taste all sorts of things," Bayless says. "What I'm hoping is that he's going to recognize that we need to do what we can in our country to encourage real food for everyone."

Phrases like "real food" and "farm-to-table" may sound like elitist jargon tossed around at upscale restaurants. But the country's top chefs, several of whom traveled to Washington for Obama's inauguration this week, hope that Obama's flair for good food will encourage people to expand their horizons when it comes to what they eat.

These chefs tout locally grown, environmentally friendly and — most importantly — nutritious food. They urge diners, even those who may never be able to afford to eat at their restaurants, to grow their own vegetables, shop at farmer's markets and pay attention to where their food comes from.

Dan Barber, chef at New York's popular Blue Hill restaurant and a frequent critic of the country's food policy, says a few small gestures from the president and first lady Michelle Obama could accomplish what many of the chefs have been working toward for years.

"I recognize that I'm an elitist guy," says Barber, who cooked a $500-a-plate meal for incoming Obama aides and other guests at a small charity fundraiser the night before the inauguration. "Increasingly raise awareness, but don't do it through chefs like me. ... My advice would be more of a symbolic nature, and to not underestimate what can be done through the White House."

Barber said good food needs more publicity, and he hopes Obama and his wife will advertise what they are eating and what they are feeding their children, 10-year-old Malia and 7-year-old Sasha.

Many high-end chefs like Barber believe that most food in the United States is over-processed, over-subsidized and grown with no regard to the environment, making it harder for small farms to make a profit selling more natural, nutritious food.

Barber cooks with food grown at his farm, the Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture in Pocantico Hills, N.Y. At the pre-inauguration fundraiser, organized along with several other dinners by food guru Alice Waters, passed hors d'oeuvres included carrots, lettuce and cauliflower — untarnished and raw, delicious in their natural form. Sweet beets had been recently chiseled from Stone Barns' frozen ground, and hog snouts left over from slaughter were used as a garnish on a plate of Maine sea scallops.

Most of the chefs say they realize food policy and government support for larger corporate farms won't change any time soon. Congress, with Obama's support, overwhelmingly enacted a $290 billion farm bill last year that directs many subsidies to the largest agricultural players.

But Obama has already given chefs like Barber a small reason to hope. At his confirmation hearing, Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack made an overture to the growing number of food groups and experts who have criticized government subsidies for large corporate farms, saying he will seek to work "with those who seek programs and practices that lead to more nutritious food produced in a sustainable way."

"There's a lot of work that can be done in this area," Vilsack said after he was sworn in.

Other chefs in town for the inauguration and Waters' dinners had many suggestions to improve food policy. Daniel Boulud, the veteran New York chef of the restaurant Daniel who has cooked for at least five former presidents, said he thinks the Department of Agriculture should form an agency that exclusively oversees small farms. Lidia Bastianich, a New York-based Italian chef who has starred in several cooking shows on public television, says the government needs to encourage regulations and incentives to small farmers to give them the opportunity to compete against the "big giants."

Chef Tom Colicchio, the lead judge on the popular cable television series "Top Chef," agrees. He says foods that are genetically engineered should be labeled as such and fewer subsidies should go to corporate farms.

But despite loftier goals, Bayless, the Chicago chef, says the Obamas could make a world of difference if they just publish what they are eating every day.

"Everyone's going to want to be like the Obamas," he said.

12th Jan, 2009

pout

Poo.

Fine wine and bad Chinese take away really just ruins the wine.

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